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If a lovers’ tiff leaves your blood boiling for hours afterwards, don’t blame your partner. Blame your parents.
The better relationship you had with your mother and father as a child, the better you are at getting over arguments as an adult, scientists claim.
So whether you can’t help holding a grudge or are happy to bury the hatchet has more to do with your childhood than your partner’s failure to empty the bin.
Scientists from the University of Minnesota in the U.S. monitored a group of babies born in the mid-1970s until they reached adulthood.
They found that those who had a secure relationship with their parents or carers as infants were better at recovering from conflict 20 years later.
The researchers concluded that if a parent or carer helps regulate negative emotions in a young child, they will grow up to be more capable of regulating their own negative emotions after a disagreement or argument.
But even those who had an insecure upbringing can pick up these skills from an emotionally-equipped partner, the scientists claim.
Researcher Jessica Salvatore said: ‘We found that people who were insecurely attached as infants but whose adult romantic partners recover well from conflict are likely to stay together.
‘If one person can lead this process of recovering from conflict, it may buffer the other person and the relationship.’
The ‘most exciting finding’, she added, was the evidence that romantic partners may play a role in reducing the effects of negative experiences in early life.
During the study, researchers observed the participants with their parents in the 1970s, when they were between 12 and 18 months old. Once they reached the age of 20, they were asked how they dealt with conflicts in their relationships and what subjects they fell out with their partners about, the journal Psychological Science reports.
The researchers noted that some couples had intense conflicts, but made a clean transition to chatting about something they agreed on, while in other couples, one or both partners became stuck on the disagreement and were not able to move past it.
However, according to another study, it may be easier to let bygones be bygones if you’re a woman.
Though it may come as a shock to any husband who has ever forgotten an anniversary, women are more forgiving than men because they are more capable of empathising with others, according to research from the University of the Basque Country in Spain.
The better relationship you had with your mother and father as a child, the better you are at getting over arguments as an adult, scientists claim.
So whether you can’t help holding a grudge or are happy to bury the hatchet has more to do with your childhood than your partner’s failure to empty the bin.
Scientists from the University of Minnesota in the U.S. monitored a group of babies born in the mid-1970s until they reached adulthood.
They found that those who had a secure relationship with their parents or carers as infants were better at recovering from conflict 20 years later.
The researchers concluded that if a parent or carer helps regulate negative emotions in a young child, they will grow up to be more capable of regulating their own negative emotions after a disagreement or argument.
But even those who had an insecure upbringing can pick up these skills from an emotionally-equipped partner, the scientists claim.
Researcher Jessica Salvatore said: ‘We found that people who were insecurely attached as infants but whose adult romantic partners recover well from conflict are likely to stay together.
‘If one person can lead this process of recovering from conflict, it may buffer the other person and the relationship.’
The ‘most exciting finding’, she added, was the evidence that romantic partners may play a role in reducing the effects of negative experiences in early life.
During the study, researchers observed the participants with their parents in the 1970s, when they were between 12 and 18 months old. Once they reached the age of 20, they were asked how they dealt with conflicts in their relationships and what subjects they fell out with their partners about, the journal Psychological Science reports.
The researchers noted that some couples had intense conflicts, but made a clean transition to chatting about something they agreed on, while in other couples, one or both partners became stuck on the disagreement and were not able to move past it.
However, according to another study, it may be easier to let bygones be bygones if you’re a woman.
Though it may come as a shock to any husband who has ever forgotten an anniversary, women are more forgiving than men because they are more capable of empathising with others, according to research from the University of the Basque Country in Spain.
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